Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Of Dead Fishes and Third Degree Burns

Greetings fellow readers of my blog, all three of you, apologies for the lack of any material in any of my other blogs. There have been….distractions that keep me from just sitting down and write something. And to family and friends who are probably the only ones who are even following this, my little summary of my 30th B-Day in Vegas will be published soon enough. Just not soon enough to set up a time table…..

Speaking of which, allow me to make a kind of summary of my first visit to a little sea food restaurant that my mother had visited a few times before. Oh, and before I continue, a little disclaimer for those sensitive readers out there who might stumble upon it.


This entry includes acts of meat consumption and presumably animal butchery in their preparation. Thus, vegetarians and vegans need not apply, and PETA can go to hell.

Additionally, I do not condone senseless animal cruelty of any kind. However, when it comes to PETA, they and Pamela Anderson can suck it and can shove their “veganism is morally right” propaganda up their pompous rectal cavities hard. Just because I condemn senseless animal cruelty does not mean that I can’t eat meat to show my support. I can do both just fine and I’ll support the ASPCA over that fascist carcass that is PETA any day of the week.


Anyway, this sea food restaurant is located just off the Carquinez Bridge. I mean really just off the Carquinez Bridge, it’s barely a block away from the off-ramp. Anyway, this sea food restaurant which also does prime rib and is also famous for it as well as the crab legs, is just outside the small town of Crockett.

…….

Yes, like Davy Crockett. I’ll wait a bit until all the relevant jokes are done.

……

Is it out of your system now? Good, let’s continue then. This little sea food restaurant is called “The Dead Fish”.

I wish I was kidding with that name, but I’m not. Thankfully it doesn’t smell like the name sake.

Once past the correct port hole doors, since apparently the sign “go to other entrance” wasn’t big enough, my mother and I were seated at a booth within one of the main dining halls which had a rather strong sailor and maritime atmosphere from it. Well, at least it should, it had all those models of sailing ships.

Our booth had a pretty good view of the Carcinas Bridge, to which the owners of the restaurant were well aware enough to have binoculars for diners  to view out the window. And yes, these were chained to the wall. Apparently previous patrons have taken a pair or two with them as “parting gifts” in the past.

Our meal largely consisted of some kind of bread roll that had a roughly diamond shape that were complimentary with every meal if I do so assume, crab chowder, and crab cakes for appetizers and were as far as my mother had gotten, and for the main meal I’ve had half an order of crab legs and a side of fries.

…..What?

Moving on, the bread was….well… to put it delicately, had a rather crispy crust that isn’t really found in other complimentary restaurant dinner rolls. Granted, it was tender inside, but the journey there isn’t. Not to say that they were bad, mind you, but it was one of the few things that were memorable. That and the amount of baking….dust on the bottom of them. Anyway, these were rather difficult to butter due to the crispness of the crust.

However, it was only until later did my mother and I found that there were two bottles of olive oil and balsamic vinegar that one could only assume for dipping bread.

You’ve had to have seen this coming

The crab chowder was like one would expect from clam chowder, only that one didn’t notice any stringiness of the meat with each occasional spoonful of the latter. That and the viscosity of the chowder was not too watery nor too thick, but a fine balance to one’s pallet that made one focus more on the taste rather than the mouth feel. Or at least not enough to be distracting. For me, it didn’t require any additional spices and was fine as it was designed while mom needed a few shakes of the pepper. To each their own I guess.

Oh, and before I forget. The Crab Chowder was served in small bowls, that the servers call “cups” for some odd reason or another…., that had lion heads on either side of the bowl. It seemed to make it all the more fancier personally for some odd conclusion or another.

The crab cakes were, arguably, the best I have ever had. They were flaky and moist, all without the sensation of it being saturated with oil. In fact, I didn’t even notice any oil upon the crab cakes at all which is a good sign that the chef knows what s/he is doing.

Before moving onto the main dish, I would like to make a notice to how our drinks were served. In the average restaurant, it was in a tall glass that the server must fill each time it was emptied and the patron orders another round. At Dead Fish, however, it was served in not just a glass cup but also a short milk jar. Eventually we have learned that these milk jars were from the same business that Dead Fish receives their milk from and place on the table with the drink of choice so that the patron can fill their own glass without having to call and wait upon an occupied server.

Which is good since the glasses were pretty short. Not Shot Glass short, but pretty close to there.

Then there was the main course that I had ordered: Half order of crab legs and side of fries-

Seriously, why are you all looking at me like that?

Whatever. I’m moving on. The fries were crispy, yet light and airy and leaving a delightful mouth feel with a taste that almost didn’t require ketchup. Though from the size of the plate to which they were served on, apparently these sides were meant to be shared.

Why I mention the sides and not the crab legs first? Well let me tell you all a rather brief story. As my mother and I awaited for my order, a server past by our booth and we both heard the familiar sizzle of culinary delight that all would hear when the food was not only served straight from the oven or stove, but also atop a cast iron skillet. I assumed that it was a selection from the Iron Skillet portion of the menu since it was the first thing my eyes laid upon as I scanned the selections. It also made mention that is also how one serves a Crab Feast in a similar fashion.

This is where the shell bowls come in. At each table there is a bowl where one placed discarded pieces of crab shell into rather then requiring a separate plate. From the Crab Feast selection, it would be assumed that this would be the communal shell bowl. However, I made little notice to the wire rack mounted around the bowl itself. I paid little mind to it since, for some odd reason, I had thought that it was entirely decorative rather than serving a purpose.

Soon enough, my crab legs arrived. Covered in Garlic Olive Oil. Sizzling.  On a hot, cast-iron skillet.

All I had for utensils were those crab shell crackers that were basically nut crackers, that tiny fork to pull the meat from the shell, and my bare hands.

Let that image marinate in your mind for a moment.

Now then, I’m sure that many of you are wondering as to how one eat crab legs without suffering third degree burns. I had wondered that myself and I eventually found the answer that I am sure that would be the same answer the servers will give when faced with such an inquiry: Very carefully.

Which is what I did, after letting it cool for about a moment or so. It didn’t burn, but it did hurt. Thankfully the shells cooled enough when taken off the skillet so that I can mostly handle it by hand and cracked open the shell to get into the meat within. Mostly.

Now, mind you, that this method of serving crab is a double edged sword. One one hand, the crab meat within will stay hot for a very long time and one would not have to suffer from having to eat cold crab legs as with traditional boiling. On the other, burnt one, it’s rather difficult to handle long enough to get into the meat without quickly noticing that the shell is still Hot. Not to mention that it was in full contact with very hot metal.

Which makes it all the more confusing when you’re not sure if that crunchy bit in your mouth is the crust or the shell. Though that doesn’t last very long to be honest.

However, due to the garlic olive oil on the crab leg shells, one does not need butter to dip the meat in for additional flavor. Your oily hands will do that for you, which also makes those wet-naps all the more necessary when you’re done. I even detected a faint citrus flavor to them at times.

And soon enough, which would have been shorter if I were more properly equipped, the meal was done. Good thing too, since the dinner rush had occurred at that time, and it was a Wednesday Night too to boot!

Anyway, in conclusion, for those of you who are within the northern Bay Area of California and especially around the vicinity of Crockett-

Those jokes weren’t out of your system, was it? Okay, I can wait.

……

Continuing, for those of you who live within that area, it is the more cost effective alternative to a night out at a sea food restaurant without having to go through the hassle of San Francisco. No having to worry about filling up the car on either side of the trip, no having to pay for parking, just go, sit down and eat.

And for those of you who are more of a Steak Eaters, Dead Fish does offer and is famous for their Prime Rib steaks in their “Other Dead Things” portion of their menu. Can’t really fault them for their sense of humor.

They even have various incarnations of the Surf and Turf dish so you’re covered as well. I personally haven’t tried it, but I came for the legs.

Though I leave with one bit of advice:

Don’t go on a week end. I’ve been told that you can’t even get a seat at the Dead Fish.

Instead, go on a weekend. Preferably during the times of just after the Lunch Rush and just before the Dinner Rush. For an exact time, I’m dead reckoning 3:30 and 5:30 in the afternoon.

For more information on the restaurant, visit their official website here: http://www.thedeadfish.com/

But don’t think that’s the end of this entry. Allow me to derail the topic of this entry a bit to discuss another issue relating to Crab Legs.

Uh…..not like that…..

To be specific, how one cracks the shell of a crustatian. As far as I can tell there are four methods of deshelling crab legs: Bare Hands, Shell Cracker, Crab Sheller, and Kitchen Sheers.

Bare hands is the most basic and the method you’ll find yourself doing the most in conjunction with all the other methods. Essentially, you crack open the shell by bending it. However, this does not guarantee that the meat will be excavated in one piece and you’ll soon find yourself picking the shell akin to deshelling a boiled egg and effectively pointless at the joints.

The Shell Cracker is what a good chunk of us have been familiar with and the method I was first introduced when eating crab legs. Using what amounts to nut crackers for sea food, one cracks open the shell. This method is almost joined hip to hip with bare hands since one cannot get to the majority of the meat with the Shell Cracker alone. Or at least not without suddenly munching on a piece of the shell and even then that’s not a guarantee. It is also necessary if one wanted to get to the meat in the joints and especially that tiny sliver in the claws.

Personally, I HATE this method. And for a good chunk of the population, I thought this was the only way to eat Crab Legs. Eventually, like most things in life, there are alternatives.

The Crab Sheller is effectively a plastic hook with a leverage and the method I was first introduced at Joe’s Crab Shack. This is by far much faster and efficient than the Shell Cracker method, though fingers are still required to pry open the shell and their success rate against the joints are……well let’s just say that it’s not recommended.

Kitchen Sheers on the other hand, a method that I was introduced in Hawaii, is effectively the most superior method of crab leg feasting. It almost slices through the shell and the joints with little effort. The only downside is that it requires a minimum diameter of the leg so its not an end all solution.

In short, if you ever go out for seafood, I recommend that you take your own tool with you. Better to have multiple options than only one and be stuck with it like I have and undoubtfully many others. Though how to sneak in kitchen sheers is beyond me.

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