Blog Story Short: The Old Man

This odd little brain fart fermented in my mind in between sessions of my care of my now passed-on grandmother that involved diapers. I'll let you all marinate on that particular mental image for a second.

Now that I'm pretty sure most of you have finished consuming your equivalent to Brain Bleach to rid yourselves of the previously mentioned mental image, allow me to introduce to you the thought patterns that lead me to think up of one possible future (outlandish it would probably be, you'll find out soon enough) through the eyes of a man who aged his way into geriatric retirement of a future he only have seen through the lens of science-fiction. Eyes that could not help but look back into the past in reflection to his current present and ask "Where was this *expletive* when I was *censored*-ing younger?!"

Yeah, this old guy's got himself a potty mouth. So without further ado, here's the (theoretical) end result of said brain fart.

Oh and I should also warn you, VERY mature language is involved.

The Old Man

Within the nocturnal phantasms of slumber, the old man dreams of a nostalgic world of his younger years. An age when he was at his most happy, his most innocent, when family reunions and parties with friends and collogues were at their most enjoyable.

"Mr. Doe. Sir. It. Is. Time. To. Wake. Up."

The old man could still smell the scent of spring grass as his younger self giggled in childish glee across the fields, kites in the air, the warmth of the sun as it peaked through the clouds.

"Mister. Doe. Sir. It. Is. Time. To. Wake. Up."

The voice had finally been strong enough to pull the old man from his slumber as he snorted into living awareness. He looked around the room that he currently occupied, but was unfamiliar to him. It was strange, alien, with many artifacts that he could not fathom their purpose nor origin as he struggled to pull himself up from the bed, only to fail.

"Mister. Doe. Sir. It. Would. Be. Best. To. Use. The. Bed. Rail. For. Support." The old man turned towards the voice and was slightly taken aback. Before him was a hominid robot, a demi-android and panic started to rise from his chest, only to glance at hands that were not his own. Skeletal, wrinkled, and deathly pale, he rose these unfamiliar limbs closer to his face as he observed with macabre interest. Were these really his hands?

Then a thought occurred that nearly answered all of his inquiries. "Oh.... right. I'm in the future and I'm old as shit." The reality began to smother him as he used the aforementioned bed rails for support as he raised himself to a sitting position, though with additional aid from the demi-android. "Thanks, Siegfried."

"I. Operate. To. Aid. Mister. Doe." The demi-android, dubbed Siegfried, replied.

"Mister. Doe." The old man turned towards the second demi-android. "It. Is. Time. To. Turn. You."

"Growing old fucking sucks..." The old man groaned to himself before he turned towards the second demi-android again. "Mind getting my Thinking Cap, Roy?"

"Is. That. Necessary. Mister. Doe?" The demi-android identified as Roy inquired.

"Maybe not, but I want it anyway." The old man answered. "I got dementia, remember?"

The demi-android, Roy, only complied as it placed the Thinking Cap device upon the old man's head. Through neural induction, the computer-linked Thinking Cap allowed the old man to retain his higher thought processes and memories from his dedicated Cyber-Brain computer server while his gray matter decreased in inefficiency over the decades of aging. It was the only way to keep him as he was, to prevent the paranoid delusions and memory loss that had affected the elderly of previous generations who were unfortunate enough to live long enough to acquire such symptoms of a failing mind.

The two demi-androids had just removed the bedding and sheets of the hospital bed when they paused. "What's wrong now?" The old man asked.

"Olfactory. Sensor. Indicate. Bowel. Movement." The demi-android, Siegfried, answered.

"I shit myself again?" The old man groaned in annoyance. "Ugh! I swear, getting old fucking sucks ass!" The old man then turned towards the demi-android, Roy. "Did I piss myself as well?"

"Bathing. Required."

"Well isn't that just fucking perfect!" The old man growled. "I got two for the price of fucking one! Where was that luck when I bought that lottery ticket?!" Then he sighed and turned towards the demi-androids. "Alright, strip me and put me in the damned shower. I might as well have my bath for the day."

"Shower. Taken. Mister. Doe." Roy corrected. "This. Is. Third. Cleansing. Activity. Today."

The old man simply stared at the demi-android before it tapped his finger against the Thinking Cap. "And you were asking why I needed this for a damned bed flip."

"We. Should. Clean. Before. Transport." Siegfried announced.

"Just make sure that I'm not going before you two take me." The old man advised. "I could only afford the first mistake. Social Security won't cover a second full carpet replacement."

Once the soiled adult diaper and fecal matter was properly disposed of and the old man's bottom cleaned enough, he was carried to the shower. Then the demi-androids carefully placed the old man upon the toilet stool within the shower stall and removed the Thinking Cap lest it be ruined by the showerhead.

The demi-android, Roy, then washed the old man in the shower with the occasional direction to the old man for brushing his teeth, gargle mouth wash, or to lean his body for the shower and sponge to access and clean away the filth of bodily excrement. The old man could not help but enjoy the sensation of warm water and airy soap cascade down upon his body and the therapeutic affects of the shower upon his skin. Then, when the old man was at the apex of his enjoyment, the shower was over and the demi-androids dried him before he was relocated to the wheelchair. "What? We're not going back to bed?"

"Sheets. And. Bedding. Soiled. Mister. Doe." Siegfried answered.

"I knew I should have bought more sheets when I had the chance." The old man grumbled. "Somebody please invent a contra-gravity bed already. While we're at it, let's do some contra-gravity showers as well."

"Float. With. Excrement. As. Well. Mister. Doe?" Roy inquired.

"You just have to rub that in and spoil my happy thought, do you?" The old man was wheeled into the living room as Siegfried gathered the soiled bedding and sheets to the laundry room.

"So what's on the boob tube now?" The old man asked.

"Daily. Exercises. Mister. Doe." Roy stated.

The old man sighed. The exercises prescribed by his physical therapist were meant to build up his muscles so that he would be able to walk independently again after the stem cell therapies he had taken back in the hospital. Though he would rather prefer that his brain was transferred into a new cyborg body, particularly one with a built in machine gun to get at those pesky seagulls that kept ruining the paint job of his car.

Sadly, neither technology was available. Or at the very least, within his current budget. He was certain Kaiser Permanente would not cover such an operation for a multitude of reasons.

"Alright, let's get this over with." The old man then followed the audio/visual directives of Roy in the muscle-building exercises. He was able to stand up on his own and walk a few paces from the wheelchair before he needed to lay back down and sleep. However the bed sheets were not dried out so he had to settle with the wheel chair.

He was stirred from his well earned nap when Siegfried pulled him up from the wheelchair. The old man looked back at the demi-android and asked, "I slipped again, didn't I?"

"No. Mister. Doe. You. Were. On. Verge. Of. Falling. Out. Of. Wheel. Chair." Siegfried answered.

"We really need to invent reclining wheel chairs." The old man grumbled to himself. It was then did he notice that Roy had gathered various medical equipment. "Doctor visit again? How long was I out?"

"One. Hour. Twenty. Minutes. Mister. Doe." Roy answered when Siegfried presented the old man a pair of augmented reality goggles.

"Oh, good, you remembered this time." The old man took the AR goggles from Siegfried donned them. Roy's face was then replaced with image of his assigned doctor. Truly it was the sign of the end times when doctors were out-sourced to another country, double points for one that did not speak English nor was it a requirement to even be fluent. At least someone was sane enough to innovate real-time subtitle translations to help bridged the language barrier, though heaven help him the moment his vision starts to fail and he couldn't read the words.

HOW ARE WE TODAY JOHN?

"Same as always," The old man answered "Grumpy, old, and addicted to my Thinking Cap."

SHALL WE BEGIN YOUR WEEKLY CHECK-UP THEN?

"Might as well get it over with." The old man conceded. "It's not like I got anything else better to do today."

The doctor then began remote operations of the medical equipment to check on the old man's blood pressure, oxygen content, blood sugar levels, cholesterol levels, lungs, and reflexes among other medical concerns for one whom have lived as long as the old man.

ARE THERE OTHER ISSUES THAT YOU WISH TO BRING UP, JOHN?

"Nothing that Siegfried and Roy here haven't told you." The old man answered. "Unless, of course, it can finally get me some weed, in which case-"

I'M SORRY, JOHN. YOUR INSURENCE WILL NOT COVER SUCH A PRESCRIPTION DUE TO-

"Yeah, yeah, I know the song and dance." The old man interrupted. "Still doesn't cover the fact that the whole thing is fucking stupid."

THAT MAY BE, BUT OUR CHIEF CONCERN IS YOUR HEALTH, JOHN. WHILE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT, HAVE YOU BEEN EATING WELL?

"You've seen my blood sugar and cholesterol levels."

YES. THEY'RE NOT TO MY LIKING.

"Well what did you expect? I'm fucking OLD! I'm having a hard enough fucking time to get my body to eat more to get my strength back!" The old man countered as he showed his left arm to the doctor. "I'm practically skin and bones and it's a fucking miracle that I could even eat that much!"

WE STILL MUST CONSIDER LONGEVITY, JOHN.

"To which I got that in fucking spades or did you forget how old I am?"

NO, I HAVE NOT. IT WOULD NOT LOOK GOOD IF I ALLOWED A PATIENT TO DIE ON MY WATCH DUE TO NEGLIGENCE.

"At least you've accepted the fact that it's not all altruistic." The old man teased. "Besides, I wouldn't call it 'negligence' per say. More like giving me small reminders of being human, of the simple joys of life that strengthens one's will to live."

AND YOU SAY YOU HATE POLITICIANS. YOU SOUND LIKE ONE JUST NOW.

"Just being selfish and honest here." The old man rationalized.

YOUR WORDS, JOHN, NOT MINE.

"Nobody likes a smart arse, doc." The old man growled in annoyance.

EITHER WAY, I GOT EVERYTHING I NEED FOR YOUR WEEKLY CHECK-UP. SAME TIME NEXT WEEK?

"I'm not going anywhere." The old man quipped. "Trust me, I WISH I had better plans than to sit around here all day and go stir fucking crazy." The teleconference then ended and Roy was given full control over its frame once more.

The old man then turned towards Siegfried. "So then, time for me to go back to bed?"

"Sheets. Not. Dry. Mister. Doe."

"Still?!" The old man then grabbed the cable box remote. "Oh well, might as well see what's on." He then shifted through the channels to find some kind of program to pass the time, preferably something enjoyable. Then he found a movie that was still in the middle of the first act. With an activity chosen, the old man removed his Thinking Cap.

"Do. You. Not. Need. Your. Thinking. Cap. Mister. Doe?" Roy inquired.

"It's a Michael Bay flick," The old man answered. "No higher brain function required."

The old man then laid back into the wheelchair, before he realized that he didn't really need to stay in the wheel chair and had the two demi-androids relocate him to his favorite reclining chair. Once he was finally settled, the old man watched the movie play upon the screen and found some enjoyment.

However, it was when the movie changed to a scene to a family outing did the old man looked around the living room and all of the various knick-knacks that he had collected over the years. He had visited so many places, met so many people, but what did that all achieve? Only himself alone in his silver years with only the memories of past glories to give comfort. He had spent most of his adult life in corporate employment with dedication and zeal to such a degree that before he knew it, he was already a retired old man, with no family or children to visit him. Had he really wasted his life in a career that ultimately tossed him away with little more than a pale gesture of thanks for all of his hard work? To neglect the comfort of others, a family to call his own?

Tears began to build up at the corner of his eyes when the dull noise of a door unlocked reached the old man's ears. In a slight panic, the old man turned towards the source of the noise that soon mutated into the noise of a door, his front door, opening. His paranoia climaxed as he heard someone run towards him, but it was not some home invasion burglar.

Instead it was the pitter patter of a little girl who nearly leaped into his lap and exclaimed "Grandpa!"

Not too long afterwards, a couple entered the living room. "Hey, dad." The young man greeted.

"Oh, right. I DO, have kids." The old man realized as he reached for his Thinking Cap.

The young man, the old man's son, then approached. "Come on dad, you don't really need that thing."

"Oh yes I do!" The old man quipped as he donned his Thinking Cap.

----------------------

Yeah, it's a bit short and probably not my finest work. But what did you expect from a brain fart?

What Next? Zombie Slavery

Well this little brainfart came to me when I was watching an episode of a rather recent, but canceled series on the Science Channel called Dark Matters: Twisted But True.

Here's the episode in case anyone is wondering, its the segment called "Resurrection Row".

Anyway, I was about to send this particular submission to a favorite website of mine, SciFi Ideas. However, they are no longer accepting any submissions. Pity....

Anywho, this brainfart of mine is using a similar mechanism that said website had used in the past that I would like to call "What Next?" to which commentators (if there are any....) can write out, well, what comes next after the initial entry. Speculate on the chain of events that follows to their ultimate conclusion or perhaps even inspire someone to write a full-fledged story from it. But for now, I just wanna get this thought out of my head and put it on record.

In another time, in another place...

Two individuals entered the facility's deep interior. One was the head researcher appointed by the communist government as project leader to this establishment of ill-morality. The other a political officer trusted to ensure that the interests of the communist party, and by extension the interests of the state, were not in folly nor compromised. That was the reason behind this particular visit.

"I assure you, comrade, we are performing great strides in our research and experimentations." The head researcher continued "Already the patients-"

"Criminals, comrade. Criminals." The political officer corrected. "Let's not forget where you've gotten your supply of 'fresh bodies' to play around with."

"Y-yes, comrade." The head researcher nervously replied as they approached one of the observation platforms. Below them were several medical technicians performed physical therapy and mental exercises with individuals donned in hospital gowns.

"Still, with rehabilitation programs with the executed we are able to increase the average intelligence equal to that of a seven-year old child." The head researcher presented.

"Psh! Dogs are smarter, comrade." The political officer countered. "Not even enough to justify the restructuring of the state's capital punishment program to reinstate electrocution."

"I know the current results are limited compared to the initial presentation to the politburo, but we are still in the pioneering process of a radically new approach to penal rehabilitation, comrade: The personality that perpetrated the crime lost but an able-bodied worker to repay the resulted debt to society! Far more humane and productive to society as a whole."

"We did not overthrow the bourgeoisie and the aristocrats for our freedom using humane methods, comrade." The political officer corrected. "And if these.....Reincarnates as you call them cannot perform basic labor in either the field or the factory then I do not see justification for the continued finances for this project of yours."

"I know that the pace is rather slow with limited progress, comrade, however it is the opinion of the staff and other members of the project that within the decade the Reincarnates will be able to take direction not unlike any other human being." The head researcher spoke. "However as they are now, they are little more than slightly intelligent robots that need direct supervision."

The words caught the political officer's attention. "What do you mean by that?"

"Well.... to be rather blunt comrade, they are excellent at following orders but lack independent initiative in absence for a better description."

There was an uncomfortable moment of silence as the political officer pondered those words. Soon enough, he turned his head towards the head researcher and with a heavily sinister tone, he asked "How well do you think they will do as soldiers?"

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End Times: A Playstation 3 Memorandum

The Playstation 3, oh how many hours I have spent playing various franchise both new and nostalgic, you will be sorely missed.

But this is not just any PS3 that I speak of in this entry. Oh no, what I speak of is one of two initial models that Sony Computer Entertainment America, and by extension Sony itself, had unveiled to the public way back in 2006: the 60GB CECHAxx model.

I’ve chosen this particular model for two different reasons: Backwards Compatibility and larger Internal Memory.

Why I listed Backwards Compatibility, some of you may ask? Well, by that time period I’ve had a large library of Playstation 2 games and it did not seem wise to go with a product that is incompatible with one’s previous library of video games. Otherwise I just might as well been an X-Box player come March of 2007.

As for larger Internal Memory, well nearly all Playstation 3 games of that time period required an installation of the game before it can be played upon the console itself. As if it was a *bleep*-ING PC!!! Oh sure, they claim that it speeds up load times, but I have yet to see a bloody difference!

Anyway, I went with long term planning since Sony more or less abandoned the idea of selling external memory cards and opted for internal memory. I knew that it’ll need every single byte of memory just for the growing library of games alone. Granted, the Playstation Magazine some years later (*sniff* you will be missed…) have laid out a tutorial on how to upgrade the hard drive from a measly 60GB internal memory to 500GB or 0.5TB for those who are inclined to such numbers.

Granted, such an installation would have made the warranty void but when I performed the operation it was LONG since expired. Still, many game data were sacrificed for more memory before such an upgrade. Then again, it was Call of Duty so it wasn’t too bad of a loss.

In fact, I expanded this data library to include MP3s from my iPod, video game trailers and “motion comics” videos.

All was fine in that particular corner of Sony Land and it had served me well in not only game play, but also web browsing, Playstation Home participation, and movie rentals both DVD and Blu-Ray.

That is, until one dark day in early October 2013 while in the middle of downloading the latest update for Dust 514. My CECHAxx model of Playstation 3 that had been so loyal to me had suddenly turned off.

I thought it was just some kind of glitch or something of a similar nature, so I turned it on. However, in the middle of its power up sequence, a yellow light that I had never encountered before flashed and then the Playstation 3 turned itself off, as if it was unable to turn itself on. I tried to vaccuum all the dust that had accumulated all these years from the ducts to see if it was a simple heating issue. That didn’t work. So I looked up information to see what was wrong with it.

And so I discovered, to my absolute horror, that there was a Sony equivalent to the Red Ring of Death: The Yellow Light of Death.

Yes, my early model of Playstation 3 that I had owned since its inception onto the gaming community was gone. Also, note the date to which it had finally given up its last byte of virtual world exploration: It was almost, ALMOST one month before the Playstation 4 was open to the market.

Coincidence? I think NOT!

Conspiracy theory aside, I scrambled over the next few days to locate a solution to my problem. One that didn’t involve forking cold, hard cash towards Sony for a rather steep repair job. During my sojourn, I’ve discovered two viable solutions:

From what I’ve researched, this option holds the risk of actually melting the console. Not a fan of the idea….

This solution is more of an electrical engineer technique. Or long story short, I don’t think I have all the tools necessary for the job.

As you can imagine, I’m not very confident in either one. So I resorted to dealing with the devil and called the Sony Support Center.

As expected, the repair job was quite steep in terms of funds but they offered me an alternative: Switch it out with a different model for about $99 dollars. It was then I figured that it’ll be the more economical solution as I’ll be able to have a backup plan in case the electronic soldering solution didn’t go as planned. Heck, the delivery was even free, as far as I can recollect.

Unfortunately there was a slight hick-up. Mainly that they didn’t send the PS3 Super Slim until I sent out my broken CECHAxx to them.

I don’t need to be reminded of that fact. I was naïve.

However, I’ve also found out after numerous attempts to connect my 500GB Hard Drive from one PS3 to another that there was a slight issue with data transfer. Mainly it needs two fully functioning PS3s for it to work seamlessly.

I’m sure by now that a few of you would be wondering “But didn’t you transfer your data from the 60GB hard drive to the 500GB one?” And indeed, it is an excellent question. You see, during my stay at Expressions College, I was advise to purchase an external hard drive at around the 60GB range to store my projects and works in case something happened to the computers there. It was this very external hard drive that I used to transfer my data.

However, the data transfer of the Playstation 3 at that time was notably different. Mainly that it copied all of the data at once upon a medium that could store it. What this means is that I couldn’t store more than 60GB of PS3 data at one time and the purchase of a 500GB external hard drive was not justified. Thus, I did not have a backup save simply because I had the inability to do so.

Hey! HEY! Don’t make me smack you!

*ahem* Anyway, I cannot transfer files from one hard drive to the other even with the use of a Laptop Hard Drive Enclosure due to how Sony designed the software and I cannot install the 500GB hard drive to replace the 250GB hard drive of the Playstation Super Slim without formatting it. Thus, with much remorse, I had to reformat the hard drive and loose over six years of gaming data. Worse still was the fact that if I had tried to play a game to which I had gained PSN Trophies from before the data loss, those trophies were deleted and I would have to play that game all over again and earn those trophies one by one.

You can imagine my frustration.

However, in the following months (as of the publishing of this blog entry, or at least initial) I may have found a work around to my game data loss.

You see, this all started when I was inquiring as to how games were saved in Devil May Cry 2. I have only played Devil May Cry, Devil May Cry 3 Special Edition, and Devil May Cry up until this point in time. With the first game, one cannot pick and choose the level to perform a play back for any items or special missions but rather have to play the entire game if a player missed a collectible. With Devil May Cry 3 and Devil May Cry 4, not only is one able to go back to levels that were already completed to find easily missed collectibles, but able to do multiple difficulties at the same time.

And considering that I had the HD Collection version of those games, I was trying to complete trophies to as far as I can get before I moved onto the next game with the mindset that I have “completed” that game. Preferably I’d like to get all trophies, but sometimes one has to learn when to stop.

Yeah, yeah, consider me an old school completest…..to a degree….

Anyway, it was a simple enough inquiry to see how games were saved on Devil May Cry 2 when I stumbled upon this particular web page.

Oh how joyous I had felt when I had learned that I do not have to slave away all the games I have in my library to make up for the lost six years with my CECHAxx model. I could just download a game save of a game that I had completed (trust me, I was very tempted to get game save data of games I have bought but yet to play) and not have to worry about it. Better yet, that game save could be a 100% cleared.

Oh yes, I can hear you complain “But isn’t that cheating? That’s just lazy.” I say onto thee: “I HAD JUST LOST SIX YEARS OF GAME SAVES! GAMES THAT I HAD COMPLETED MYSELF! I think I’m entitled to at least a small compensation for my loss!”

However, it wasn’t the perfect solution to my dilemma. You see, certain publishers of said games would put in restrictions to such a tactic. Chief among them being that a game save must be done under the name of the PSN screen name of that player. If, for say, one would try to transfer one game save of a different player to another, the outcome is virtually upon the mercy of that publisher.

And in case you were wondering, the conclusion is typically a flat “no”.

I had found, through trial and error, that the best Playstation 3 games for such a tactic are very early Playstation 3 games within the 2006-2008 time frame that do not have trophy support. However, that was a very small percentile in my Playstation 3 library. Everything else was PSN Trophy supported.

However, I had found that such an issue does not exist with either Playstation 1 or Playstation 2 games. Which was useful, since I lost a few game save data that I didn’t back up. The only issue was that I had to use the external hard drive to save first from the computer and then onto the PS3 Super Slim and then to the Memory Card Adapter.

Which is odd considering that though the PS3 Super Slim is unable to read Playstation 2 game disks, let alone Playstation 1 games, it still has the ability to create virtual memory disks. Go figure….

On the plus side, I’ve now made it a habit to transfer all my saves onto my computer so if something does happen it’s not a complete and soul crushing loss. And especially useful since the 128MB memory card that I had purchased apparently doesn’t work anymore. I can’t even save or delete what data was on there.

There are fixes, however, to circumvent such a limitation of the Playstation 3 game saves or so I’ve been lead to believe. One such is this particular blog entry. However, it requires different programs in order to execute and I’m really not sure if I would want to experiment with my Playstation 3 in programming just yet in such a way.

Then again, I haven’t really played Devil May Cry 2 HD so it’ll be the perfect guenia pig for such an operation. I’ve been advised by one of my online friends that it’s advisable to NOT play that game. Still, if I were forced to choose either Devil May Cry 2 or that DmC remake by Ninja Theory, I’ll chose DMC2 without hesitation. That game and Ninja Theory can freeze their *bleep*s off in Lake Cocytus deep in the darkest bowels of hell itself, right next to Lucifer Satan.

But what I’m trying to say in this particular blog entry is this: If something goes wrong with your console and you have the choice to either send it to the manufacturer or fix it yourself, learn to solder!

Images courtesy of news.cnet.com and reactionface.info

Of Dead Fishes and Third Degree Burns

Greetings fellow readers of my blog, all three of you, apologies for the lack of any material in any of my other blogs. There have been….distractions that keep me from just sitting down and write something. And to family and friends who are probably the only ones who are even following this, my little summary of my 30th B-Day in Vegas will be published soon enough. Just not soon enough to set up a time table…..

Speaking of which, allow me to make a kind of summary of my first visit to a little sea food restaurant that my mother had visited a few times before. Oh, and before I continue, a little disclaimer for those sensitive readers out there who might stumble upon it.

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This entry includes acts of meat consumption and presumably animal butchery in their preparation. Thus, vegetarians and vegans need not apply, and PETA can go to hell.

Additionally, I do not condone senseless animal cruelty of any kind. However, when it comes to PETA, they and Pamela Anderson can suck it and can shove their “veganism is morally right” propaganda up their pompous rectal cavities hard. Just because I condemn senseless animal cruelty does not mean that I can’t eat meat to show my support. I can do both just fine and I’ll support the ASPCA over that fascist carcass that is PETA any day of the week.

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Anyway, this sea food restaurant is located just off the Carquinez Bridge. I mean really just off the Carquinez Bridge, it’s barely a block away from the off-ramp. Anyway, this sea food restaurant which also does prime rib and is also famous for it as well as the crab legs, is just outside the small town of Crockett.

…….

Yes, like Davy Crockett. I’ll wait a bit until all the relevant jokes are done.

……

Is it out of your system now? Good, let’s continue then. This little sea food restaurant is called “The Dead Fish”.

I wish I was kidding with that name, but I’m not. Thankfully it doesn’t smell like the name sake.

Once past the correct port hole doors, since apparently the sign “go to other entrance” wasn’t big enough, my mother and I were seated at a booth within one of the main dining halls which had a rather strong sailor and maritime atmosphere from it. Well, at least it should, it had all those models of sailing ships.

Our booth had a pretty good view of the Carcinas Bridge, to which the owners of the restaurant were well aware enough to have binoculars for diners  to view out the window. And yes, these were chained to the wall. Apparently previous patrons have taken a pair or two with them as “parting gifts” in the past.

Our meal largely consisted of some kind of bread roll that had a roughly diamond shape that were complimentary with every meal if I do so assume, crab chowder, and crab cakes for appetizers and were as far as my mother had gotten, and for the main meal I’ve had half an order of crab legs and a side of fries.

…..What?

Moving on, the bread was….well… to put it delicately, had a rather crispy crust that isn’t really found in other complimentary restaurant dinner rolls. Granted, it was tender inside, but the journey there isn’t. Not to say that they were bad, mind you, but it was one of the few things that were memorable. That and the amount of baking….dust on the bottom of them. Anyway, these were rather difficult to butter due to the crispness of the crust.

However, it was only until later did my mother and I found that there were two bottles of olive oil and balsamic vinegar that one could only assume for dipping bread.

You’ve had to have seen this coming

The crab chowder was like one would expect from clam chowder, only that one didn’t notice any stringiness of the meat with each occasional spoonful of the latter. That and the viscosity of the chowder was not too watery nor too thick, but a fine balance to one’s pallet that made one focus more on the taste rather than the mouth feel. Or at least not enough to be distracting. For me, it didn’t require any additional spices and was fine as it was designed while mom needed a few shakes of the pepper. To each their own I guess.

Oh, and before I forget. The Crab Chowder was served in small bowls, that the servers call “cups” for some odd reason or another…., that had lion heads on either side of the bowl. It seemed to make it all the more fancier personally for some odd conclusion or another.

The crab cakes were, arguably, the best I have ever had. They were flaky and moist, all without the sensation of it being saturated with oil. In fact, I didn’t even notice any oil upon the crab cakes at all which is a good sign that the chef knows what s/he is doing.

Before moving onto the main dish, I would like to make a notice to how our drinks were served. In the average restaurant, it was in a tall glass that the server must fill each time it was emptied and the patron orders another round. At Dead Fish, however, it was served in not just a glass cup but also a short milk jar. Eventually we have learned that these milk jars were from the same business that Dead Fish receives their milk from and place on the table with the drink of choice so that the patron can fill their own glass without having to call and wait upon an occupied server.

Which is good since the glasses were pretty short. Not Shot Glass short, but pretty close to there.

Then there was the main course that I had ordered: Half order of crab legs and side of fries-

Seriously, why are you all looking at me like that?

Whatever. I’m moving on. The fries were crispy, yet light and airy and leaving a delightful mouth feel with a taste that almost didn’t require ketchup. Though from the size of the plate to which they were served on, apparently these sides were meant to be shared.

Why I mention the sides and not the crab legs first? Well let me tell you all a rather brief story. As my mother and I awaited for my order, a server past by our booth and we both heard the familiar sizzle of culinary delight that all would hear when the food was not only served straight from the oven or stove, but also atop a cast iron skillet. I assumed that it was a selection from the Iron Skillet portion of the menu since it was the first thing my eyes laid upon as I scanned the selections. It also made mention that is also how one serves a Crab Feast in a similar fashion.

This is where the shell bowls come in. At each table there is a bowl where one placed discarded pieces of crab shell into rather then requiring a separate plate. From the Crab Feast selection, it would be assumed that this would be the communal shell bowl. However, I made little notice to the wire rack mounted around the bowl itself. I paid little mind to it since, for some odd reason, I had thought that it was entirely decorative rather than serving a purpose.

Soon enough, my crab legs arrived. Covered in Garlic Olive Oil. Sizzling.  On a hot, cast-iron skillet.

All I had for utensils were those crab shell crackers that were basically nut crackers, that tiny fork to pull the meat from the shell, and my bare hands.

Let that image marinate in your mind for a moment.

Now then, I’m sure that many of you are wondering as to how one eat crab legs without suffering third degree burns. I had wondered that myself and I eventually found the answer that I am sure that would be the same answer the servers will give when faced with such an inquiry: Very carefully.

Which is what I did, after letting it cool for about a moment or so. It didn’t burn, but it did hurt. Thankfully the shells cooled enough when taken off the skillet so that I can mostly handle it by hand and cracked open the shell to get into the meat within. Mostly.

Now, mind you, that this method of serving crab is a double edged sword. One one hand, the crab meat within will stay hot for a very long time and one would not have to suffer from having to eat cold crab legs as with traditional boiling. On the other, burnt one, it’s rather difficult to handle long enough to get into the meat without quickly noticing that the shell is still Hot. Not to mention that it was in full contact with very hot metal.

Which makes it all the more confusing when you’re not sure if that crunchy bit in your mouth is the crust or the shell. Though that doesn’t last very long to be honest.

However, due to the garlic olive oil on the crab leg shells, one does not need butter to dip the meat in for additional flavor. Your oily hands will do that for you, which also makes those wet-naps all the more necessary when you’re done. I even detected a faint citrus flavor to them at times.

And soon enough, which would have been shorter if I were more properly equipped, the meal was done. Good thing too, since the dinner rush had occurred at that time, and it was a Wednesday Night too to boot!

Anyway, in conclusion, for those of you who are within the northern Bay Area of California and especially around the vicinity of Crockett-

Those jokes weren’t out of your system, was it? Okay, I can wait.

……

Continuing, for those of you who live within that area, it is the more cost effective alternative to a night out at a sea food restaurant without having to go through the hassle of San Francisco. No having to worry about filling up the car on either side of the trip, no having to pay for parking, just go, sit down and eat.

And for those of you who are more of a Steak Eaters, Dead Fish does offer and is famous for their Prime Rib steaks in their “Other Dead Things” portion of their menu. Can’t really fault them for their sense of humor.

They even have various incarnations of the Surf and Turf dish so you’re covered as well. I personally haven’t tried it, but I came for the legs.

Though I leave with one bit of advice:

Don’t go on a week end. I’ve been told that you can’t even get a seat at the Dead Fish.

Instead, go on a weekend. Preferably during the times of just after the Lunch Rush and just before the Dinner Rush. For an exact time, I’m dead reckoning 3:30 and 5:30 in the afternoon.

For more information on the restaurant, visit their official website here: http://www.thedeadfish.com/

But don’t think that’s the end of this entry. Allow me to derail the topic of this entry a bit to discuss another issue relating to Crab Legs.

Uh…..not like that…..

To be specific, how one cracks the shell of a crustatian. As far as I can tell there are four methods of deshelling crab legs: Bare Hands, Shell Cracker, Crab Sheller, and Kitchen Sheers.

Bare hands is the most basic and the method you’ll find yourself doing the most in conjunction with all the other methods. Essentially, you crack open the shell by bending it. However, this does not guarantee that the meat will be excavated in one piece and you’ll soon find yourself picking the shell akin to deshelling a boiled egg and effectively pointless at the joints.

The Shell Cracker is what a good chunk of us have been familiar with and the method I was first introduced when eating crab legs. Using what amounts to nut crackers for sea food, one cracks open the shell. This method is almost joined hip to hip with bare hands since one cannot get to the majority of the meat with the Shell Cracker alone. Or at least not without suddenly munching on a piece of the shell and even then that’s not a guarantee. It is also necessary if one wanted to get to the meat in the joints and especially that tiny sliver in the claws.

Personally, I HATE this method. And for a good chunk of the population, I thought this was the only way to eat Crab Legs. Eventually, like most things in life, there are alternatives.

The Crab Sheller is effectively a plastic hook with a leverage and the method I was first introduced at Joe’s Crab Shack. This is by far much faster and efficient than the Shell Cracker method, though fingers are still required to pry open the shell and their success rate against the joints are……well let’s just say that it’s not recommended.

Kitchen Sheers on the other hand, a method that I was introduced in Hawaii, is effectively the most superior method of crab leg feasting. It almost slices through the shell and the joints with little effort. The only downside is that it requires a minimum diameter of the leg so its not an end all solution.

In short, if you ever go out for seafood, I recommend that you take your own tool with you. Better to have multiple options than only one and be stuck with it like I have and undoubtfully many others. Though how to sneak in kitchen sheers is beyond me.

The Kinect Shock 4, Part 2

Well, E3 has come and I have yet to see how the Dualshock 4 actually operates during gameplay. Sure, there have been comments on the design and feel of the controller, but there have yet to be a single demonstration of two of its key features: the Share Button, Touchpad, and the Lightbar Motion Control.

And yes, I have searched for any video on the subject at hand and this is all I got:

Yeah, it really looks innovative and plays like the Dualshock 3, and that’s all we got….

That’s it, that’s the very limit to see how well this controller works during gameplay. There’s absolutely no demonstration of the three newest features of the dualshock 4 or, gasp, how much each controller costs to the average gamer.

However…as many of you have noticed by now, the PS4 has gained high attention with gamers as of late. For those of you who have not seen the press conference (yeah, like there isn’t anyone left on the net who hasn’t heard the news), here’s the following video.

You may wanna start watching it at the 30-35 minute mark.

And I’m pretty sure many of you are absolutely gushing right about now. Don’t worry, I’ll let you scream like the fangirls/fanboys that you are. I can wait.

In fact, the friend of an online friend of mine has an entry that pretty much sums up the gaming world’s feelings towards the E3 revelations Sony Computer Entertainment of America has given. Here’s a link. The only thing missing, though, is the appropriate music.

You know you wanna do the dance.

Okay, now that we’ve collectively gotten that out of our system, allow me the pleasure to continue?

I admit, the Playstation 4 does seem attractive and almost makes me want to buy it when it comes out. Note that I said “almost” because I’ve learned my lesson with its predecessor the PS3 and am going to wait until at least a year for any potential bugs to be fixed and I have seen/read any overviews as to how the PS4 does its backwards compatibility emulator. I’m not exactly, well, comfortable with the fact that I need the Cloud in order to play even my PS3 games.

Oh and, speaking of cloud. I’m sure many of you recall my earlier statement of the possibility of purchasing the Xbox 720 in this generation? Yeah I am completely retracting that statement considering microsoft’s plans on the platform now known as the Xbox One.

I forsee a great disturbance in the stocks

Aaaaand it got worse

Apparently I’m not the only one who thinks that’s the most stupidest and contradictory name for a next generation console.

Anyway, getting back on track, the idea that I have to connect to the internet in order to access the cloud in order to use an emulator for my older playstation games doesn’t sit well with me. Especially since in the previous generation, the PS3 had an emulator patch that doesn’t need to go online. That doesn’t feel right with me, reminds me too much of the Xbox One, so that’s another reason why I should hold off purchase of the PS4 at a much later date.

Additionally, it would appear that the PS4 comes standard with a 500 GB memory according to the Wikipedia article.

Which sounds absolutely terrific….if I hadn’t upgraded my PS3 with a replacement hard drive with that amount of space. Oh well, I was running out of space anyway, though I doubt that Sony would grace us with the ability to upload our game data from the PS3 to the PS4 in a similar manner to how one uploads data from an old PC to a new one nowadays.

At least, not without the Cloud. I don’t feel right about that idea….

Anyway, feel free to discuss below and please be civil with your responces. In the meantime, here’s a bit of nostalgia for those of you who are old enough to remember.

Who want’s to bet that the PS9 will come quicker than what the ad suggests?

image courtisy of http://uncrate.com

The Kinect Shock 4, Part 1

 

I know what many of you are thinking, this blog entry is rather late considering exactly when this news came out. I’m not exactly known to make timely blog entries as many of you would have undoubtly known by now.

For those of you who are not, or are die hard Microsoft or Nintendo fans, allow me to present to you a video.

The future of Sony gameplay people. Seem familiar?

Up to speed then? Good, I’ll continue my rant.

I can only assume that the first thing that many of you have noticed upon playing the above video is that light bar at the front of the controller. This, is gonna be in the center of my blog rent at the moment but I’ll get to it eventually. First off, let me enlighten you to what many have percieved to be the prototype patent of the Dualshock 4. For lack of a better term, it shall be hense force be known as the Dualshock Move. Or until we get a better name for it, whichever comes first.

The above images were the pioneer solution that Sony had conjured when they wanted to integrate the Dual Shock and Playstation Move controllers into a single unit. Silly isn’t it? Glad that they went to the light bar, right?

But, there’s an issue that needs to be pointed out. You see, just like the Playstation Move controller, the Dualshock 4’s Lightbar requires a camera. Not just any camera, but one with binocular vision as seen below:

I’m sure that many of you can see my ire in this idea by now. If not, allow me to present to you another picture.

You all see my issue now? Sony’s next generation console has a controller that utilizes a peripheral accessory that is effectively THE KINECT!!! It even has a microphone! Oh no wait, FOUR of them!

How Microsoft didn’t catch Sony in this, I’ll never know. All I know is that this is personally a disturbing trend with console developers focusing on motion control gaming. I’m not a big fan of this and rants about the above mentioned Kinect show that it’s not exactly holding up the promise that “You are the Controller”.

I have no idea how much Sony’s gonna charge for this bundle, but I can feel it in me bones that it’ll be more expensive then the Dualshock 3, and that thing is equal to the cost of a single game. Which kinda explains why I haven’t heard of many games offering split screen multiplayer: It’s cheaper hardware wise to just do it online rather then get separate controllers. Heck, with each controller not purchased means another game takes it place.

But, before I get distracted, I gotta get back to my original rant. You should know by this paragraph that I’m not exactly a big fan of this design philosophy. I can already guess that it decreased development time and simplifies production if the Dualshock 4 and theoretical Playstation Move 2 were a single system rather then two different peripherals. Doesn’t mean that I have to like it. I just don’t see the Playstation as a party machine and that’s how I see motion control gaming; not an experience for a single player but to allow other people to join in on the action. The Playstation is more suited, in my honest opinion, as a single player machine which allows them to play with other people via the technological wonder which is the internet.

Yeah, I know that it sounds like the freaken desktop computer, but work with me here people.

However, as the thought mingled in my head, I am reminded of a review of a Kinect-centric game that had promises it could not keep simply because of the limitations of the hardware itself.

Don’t worry, I can wait until you’re all finished with the video. I got all the time in the world to wait.

Done? Good, we can continue then.

As our guest reviewer Angry Joe has noted, the game has its flaws. This is where the innovative though occurs with the Dualshock 4. Potentially, and I really can’t stress this enough, the Dualshock 4 could allow a port of that game be more accurate with its simulation with not only the camera tracking the position of the controller, but can also allow simple button command to tell the digital avatar to select that highlighted option so it can be manipulated more easily rather then swing and hope that it does what it wants you to do.

I say potentially simply because, well, game developers haven’t exactly been on their game as of late.

heheh…”.game”

Anyway, the above brain fart just shows that I have become too optimistic for my own good when it comes to this particular sector of the entertainment industry.

As for the other features, well I can’t really say much about it. Why? Oh, it’s simple really. All these people talk about what the Dualshock 4 can do, but they never, ever, ever SHOW how it does it. Is it so hard and too much to ask for a visual demonstration on how its myriad of buttons, touch pads, and motion control work while playing a game?

Oh well, one reason why this blog entry is entitled “Part 1”. They’ll eventually show us how those games are played via the Dualshock 4 come E3. Hopefully.

Am I gonna get the Playstation 4, several of you might ask? Well, to put it bluntly, no. Why? Because it has no backwards compatibility with my current library of Playstaton games. Not even with Playstation 3 games. None.

I know that eventually they’ll come out with an emulator or whatever to allow such backwards compatibility to be available on the PSN store, the same as they did with the latter models that took out the hardware backwards compatibility on the PS3 consoles to decrease the purchase price per unit. Or at least, I hope that they’ll do such a solution.

So until then, I’ll wait for the price drop and the emulator download. And who knows? They might put in a terrabyte of internal memory into the new models by then.

For now, I got a wish list of Playstation games to acquire and a $600, 60gb console recently upgraded to 500gb of internal memory to spend my gaming time. And I see no need to upgrade anytime soon. Not only that, but I don’t see why my next upgrade should even be a Playstation 4, what with its lack of backwards compatibility. Heck, I might even eventually get the Xbox 720 if I hear attractive things about it, such as backwards compatibility.

If not, well I’ll know how those retro gamers feel.

Anyway, feel free to comment and discuss below. And let’s attempt to be civilized about this shall we?

Images provided by http://www.thegamingliberty.com, http://gamefans.com, http://www.blogcdn.com, http://www.screwattack.com, http://www.cdrinfo.com, http://www.original-gamer.com, http://icdn7.digitaltrends.com, and http://www.geekwire.com

Dante vs. Dante: Gameplay Virdict

Well, I've finally had a chance to download the gameplay demo of Ninja Theory's DmC and despite the visuals and what story is presented (to which I will address later on) I must say that the button map that the game presents isn't the most intuitive when one is trying to perform combat feats that Devil May Cry have been known for.

Sure, it does help that it shows exactly what moves can increase the style level and all, but it doesn't help if the learning curve includes player confusion during the heat of battle. Granted, it could be something one could get used to after a gradual introduction to the mechanics but from what is presented in this demo, it was rather disappointing. No shock there. I try to slice when I whip, and I whip when I try to smash, which doesn't help that there isn't much customization when it comes to button layout despite claims to the contrary. Often times I press the square button to fire when I was trying to swing a sword, which is equally confusing when one is trying to get the two different grapple abilities of the two Angel and Devil weapons presented in the game. It does help in mixing up the combat, but the confusion in the heat of battle just doesn't seem to be warranted.

Overall, it didn't win my heart despite Capcom and Ninja Theory's hope that I would be persuaded otherwise.

And speaking of which, it would appear that both Capcom and Ninja Theory have gotten the Nephilim concept wrong: They're the product of Angel's breeding with humans, not demons. Not only that, but Mundus the Demon King has been described as gangster-like.

......WHAT?! He's an emperor for crying out loud! Not some hip-hop nor roaring twenties gangster!

Is there no end to this travesty? Oh well, I already placed my virdict on this game, this only cements the deal. You may discuss as you wish.


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